lie

Today was at the library...doing my notes and suddenly a group of new students came in for the library tour by a librarian.... So...new students huh....they will be studying in a new environment...Unlike high school...have too much rules and stuff like that.... Now with a new environment...they have to meet new friends and from many groups of friends...they will have their own "gang".... A gang is a group of people that you are comfortable with....

But still....starting a new life in college...doing foundation programs.... Having new friends.... Its all a freaking lie.... Friends who are new will not show you their true color first... Due to make a good impression on other people...ya right...they will show you what you like to see..... Because if they show you who they really are, which i think most probably has many flaws and are problematic... They wont have friends who are willing to make friends with them.... Ironic huh...well its sad but its still a true story after all... I mean there are many people who have many problems with their attitude and stuffs like that... College is a new start and a new life all over again.... Its not the same as high school and primary school where everybody is naive and can have fun together....

 In college or university...people tend to be more secretive and fake.... Because college for us is like taking one big step in life to the real world, the real working world... Because life is not fair and we have to learn to live on with it.... I think for me...high school is almost the last place where you can have real friends... Because you spend 5 years together through thick and thin.... For college and universities....everybody has different backgrounds and gone through different things... Thats the reason that made them what they are today.... An attitude is not developed over a week or a month... It is through what they gone through and by the experience they gain.... Still i'm in no place to judge how a person is, but at least also try to make in as not obvious as possible la... Ma de with that attitude....gao lan meh.....What for you hide your flaws and problems....and put on a mask that is able to convince people... Humans sure have problems with humans... And the choice is in your hands on how to react to them... For me just don't care about them....i think maybe its me...since i was young... Maybe its me being too fake...sometimes i just don't know who am i.... Owh well.... I just can say....some people who are important to me...if they are just fucked up and do sohai.....2nd day i can don't care about them... For me its just like one less friend...who has problems.... I had many friends b4... And for those friends who are not important...they are just another friend...I wouldn't care less about them... Maybe it changes too fast...the mask i wear on my face...its too fake and sometimes it even convinced me that i was not wearing any mask and was ME... 

It depends on if i want to state it out or not.... I didn't state things out doesn't mean i don't see or know anything.... Sometimes its just me too lazy to voice it out....

Everything i said is what i meant...if you ask me i wouldn't deny anything about what i post...So...i know sure got people who hate me de la....Dont read this blog if its stabbing you in the heart (which makes my point real about you)... 

I can’t control my feelings, but I hate how my feelings control me.

Peace out...

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Remember when we used to say that the world is unfair or life is unfair? Remember those times where we blame everything on other stuff such as luck or destiny when we faced some difficulties or when we meet failures?

We just need to know... Life is really quite fair for me...(when i m in my good sense...which means calm).... Sometimes we might have "something" less than other people.... Actually...we have that one "thing" that other people doesn't have.... We just need to find out what is that "thing" that we are blessed to have... We are all different... God created us.. some with special abilities....some without special talents... But just so you know...those who do not have special talents have something more spectacular than those who has spectacular talents... For example... For the people who are blind... They either have very good hearing or very good memory... This is what they have that other people who can see does not have....


In my life... I had always blame luck and God for everything that doesn't out good for me.... In University... i literally attend every tutorial and lectures....i consulted lecturers like many times....But i can tell you i still don't know anything that i've learnt... Unlike my friend....who skip classes and tutorials.... He knows everything...well...at least more than me... I've felt that this is really not fair... I went to all classes... i don't know anything....My friend who skips class...is able to study alone and actually understands it...


But when I'm alone and is thinking about all those stuffs... I realized that i have awesome lecturers and friends to help me out... I know lecturers very well and they are quite close to me... Even closer to me than i family...sometimes... I realized that lecturers and friends are always there to help me and some even offered themselves to help me with my studies... But the problem is... I'm damn freaking lazy fuck ass.... I always start off strong but ended up not finishing the work at the end.... So basically i screw everything up at the end of the story.... I'm really very thankful to those who wanted to help me.... But i scared i might end up disappointing them... Really hopeless in some kind of subjects.... do not want them to help me and then i still fail the subject.... Its really embarrassing and i'm scared they might be damn disappointing.... Really...nobody should put hope on me since i m kinda disappointing.....


A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success.
Elbert Hubbard

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Once upon a time, there is this young boy in his class... He asked his teacher what is love. The teacher smiled and asked him to go to a paddy field. He did as told and his teacher told him to look for the biggest paddy seed he can find on the field. The bigger paddy he shows his teacher, the bigger his reward is. This boy went searching for the biggest paddy and when the time is up, he present the paddy seed that he found to his teacher. The teacher asked him: " So this is the biggest paddy that you can find"? The boy answered no. He said that he did found bigger paddy seeds, just that he thought he will find another bigger paddy seed so his reward will be better. The teacher said: " this is love. People tend to search for a better person, therefore they "throw away" the paddy seed and search for a "bigger" paddy seed. By the time people finds out he has lost a great person and knows that they could never get them back.  That's love."

We usually want to find a better person for ourselves in a relationship. Just that sometimes the best we've ever meet is just right in front of us and we missed our great chance.


If what stated above is real, guess we should really give our best when we are able to meet the "biggest paddy seed". But the problem that some people said is, the time is not right. If that is so, we should really wait longer until the time is right.  We are getting wiser and wiser day by day. If we get into a relationship fast, it might be risky. What your future is just standing right in front of you? Both of you are very compatible and loves each other very much. Just that the time is not right. Would you regret for the rest of your lives? For my case, i think i would regret. But i still think that the old saying which is "If the person is meant for you, sooner or later he/she will come back to you" is still a bullshit.... You want fate? OK lets say fate bring you two together... And you dont do no shit... In your dreams you two will end up together.... There is no effort...although fate did their job, there will still be no outcome... So i still think that old saying is bullshit...

There is this perfect "paddy seed" for me already.. I think I've found it... So imma grab hold to it until idk when... Just for the time to be right... :)


The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.
- Jennifer Aniston


Peace out!!